WORDS OF POISON

By Paul Benkendorfer

The morning is blue and cold

I waken to their cruel words:

You’re lazy, good for nothing!

God you’re such a disgrace!

You’re just so worthless!

Icy pincers stabbing at my heart.

I don’t cry. I can’t cry. Not anymore.

It stings, but I have become numb.

Numb to their bitterness; to their contempt.

Gone goes the morning and gone are those voices.

But not the words.

They course through me like venom;

slithering through my mind. A poison I cannot evade.

I try to drown them out with music, with breathing,

but they haunt me. Their tendrils burrow into me.

I cannot escape.

The sun hangs overhead but there is no warmth in its rays.

Blue still is the day. Though darker; colder and bitter.

The words swirling inside of me. Suffocate me. Strangle me.

There is no refuge. Even at school. I hear the words.

More words, crueler words:

Ewww you’re so gross!

What an idiot! How can anyone be so stupid?

Why don’t you just kill yourself already?

Like a swarm of stinging hornets they bombard me.

I don’t cry. I can’t cry. Not anymore.

I curse these poisonous words; soiling my brain,

pulsing through my blood to my heart.

I am no longer numb.

I want to feel numb. God I wish I could feel numb.

Pain. Burning pain. Excruciating pain.

It infects my blood. It infects my soul.

I cannot escape.

The day is red.

No more. I will take no more.

No more poison. No more numbness.

No more pain.

I will silence their cruel words and cure myself.

Cure myself of the poison; of the pain.

Cure my mind. Cure my heart.

Escape this infection searing into my soul!

What is wrong with you?!

This isn’t funny!

Are you insane?!

A simple pull of a trigger. That’s all it takes-

again, and again, and again a pull-

and again, and again, and again, and again.

And the words, and the numbness, and the pain will stop-

Forever

I will finally rid myself of the cruel words and the pain.

Silence

Silence

Silence

I don’t cry. I can’t cry. Not anymore.

The voices have stopped but I feel…

nothing.

Only now do I realize I can silence the voices

but can’t cure the poison.

I will never cure the poison. I’m too infected.

I feel numb. I don’t want to feel numb anymore.

I cannot escape.

A single pull of the trigger. That’s all it takes.

A single pull of the trigger–

everything goes black

#darkpoetsclub